How Parents can Help
Children (ages 2-6) who Stutter

DO Talk About Stuttering

First, remember: Stuttering itself isn't bad. But! Feeling stuck? Feeling embarrassed or ashamed? Struggling to communicate? Feeling out of control? Unable to get your message out? Not knowing how to handle people who don't understand, or who are outright mean? We don't want those side effects and there are ways to help with those things. But your child isn't doing anything wrong when they stutter.

So if stuttering itself isn't bad, then:

• Openly acknowledge and talk about stuttering. In fact, use the word "stuttering." Talking about stuttering does not increase stuttering. Avoiding "that word," can amp up fear about stuttering (like it is some dreaded plague that is too awful or scary to discuss).

• Especially for younger kids, sometimes using analogies like "bumpy speech," "getting tangled," and "feeling stuck," helps them understand. You could use these analogies to define stuttering, e.g. "When your speaking gets stuck like that, it's called stuttering." This gives the experience a name! Naming and learning about something can take some of the fear and mystery out of a hard thing (because they know what they're experiencing is noticed and okay to talk about).

• Let them know they aren't the only ones! You could tell them about a family member who stutters, or tell them that 1 out of every 10 children will have a time period where they stutter, or look up famous people who stutter. Knowing that others stutter can help them feel like less of an oddity.

It isn't convenient or fun for your speech to get stuck. You can acknowledge the stutter and let them know their message matters more than their delivery. You can talk about stuttering like you would talk about other inconvenient things (e.g. doing chores, getting shots, handling a fight with a friend, etc.): when they show they are frustrated, you can acknowledge the difficulty they express and offer support. Some ideas:

• "Your speech got really tangled that time! It's okay, I'm listening."

• "You just sighed like you were frustrated when you started stuttering more. It's okay to feel frustrated, that sounded hard."

• "Your words are getting pretty stuck. That's no fun. I'm here, I'm listening, no rush."

• "You wrinkled your nose when your speech got bumpy like you were annoyed. You need to know that I am loving hearing you tell this story!"

• "You said you don't want to give your speech in class because you might stutter. It's true, you might. Let's talk about the options."

Celebrate When Communication is Easy :)

Your child will have moments when they do talk fluently. In these moments, find a way that is natural for you to express your joy for them. (This can also subconsciously reinforce fluency to their brain.)

Ideas to get you thinking: "That came out really smooth!" "You didn't stutter during that whole story! I bet it felt good to not get stuck." "Your speech didn't get tangled there. " "I know you were nervous about answering the phone; did you notice how you didn't stutter at all? I bet that felt great!" "It seemed really easy for you to talk to our new neighbor! I'm proud of you!"

As you try this out, you'll get a feel for how to make this work for you and your child.

One caution to remember: you aren't trying to praise them out of stuttering, like one might try to praise a child to stop a naughty or unwanted behavior (ex: a teacher saying "You raised your hand in class to let me know you had a question, great job!" to address a student who frequently calls out in class). Because they are NOT doing anything wrong when they stutter. With time and practice, your messages can demonstrate celebration of when communication is working well for them.

Resist these Impulses:

It is really common for parents to try to help their stuttering child by:

• Telling them to slow down/calm down/take a breath/plan their words

• Finishing their sentences for them*

Don't! :)

When you do this, you are intending to be helpful, but it can actually increase the speaking pressure. Instead, model for them being calm, slowing down, taking your time to think about your response, not interrupting, etc. (More about that below under "Strategies for Parents.")

*Unless their speech gets so stuck they ask you to help them, let them speak for themselves. If they haven't asked, but you can tell they are more stuck/frustrated than usual, you can say something like, "You seem stuck. No worries, I'm listening. Let me know if you need help." We want them to practice persisting with communication despite stuttering; we don't want them to start learning to give up if they stutter, or to rely on others to communicate for them.

Slow Down :) Let's be clear: parents talking too fast does NOT cause stuttering. That said, slowing down your own speech promotes a non-pressured, easier environment for communication. Plus, hearing gentle, easy, smooth speech modeled is good for their brain. Two ways to model slow speech:

1. streeetch out yooour vowels juuust aaa biiiit

2. add more natural pauses to give each word or phrase its own time insteadoftalkinglikethis

No need to go so slow it's painful for both of you, just consciously slowing down a tad is great!

If you're a fast talker habitually, it's okay to not talk like this 100% of the day; pick a few times each day, or just let your child's stutter trigger in your brain that it's time to slow down (i-if th-they are sssssstuttering m-more .... think, "I can show them it's okay by slowing down for a few minutes right now.")

Remember, the idea is NOT to tell them to change their speech ("Slow down!"). It's to change your own speech!

Be a Great Listener :) Talking is a complex skill! Now consider that your child's grammatical and vocabulary skills are still developing, they talk to communication partners who are hurried/distracted/have varying levels of interest, and they are often talking while processing a range of emotions. Communicating is rewarding but it's not always easy; we can give them opportunities to have our full attention while they talk. Two ways to practice listening:

1. Take turns talking. This seems obvious, but we live in a culture where it is not uncommon to interrupt each other. Pause between what they say and what you say. Unless they get so stuck speaking that they ask for help, resist the urge to finish their sentences for them (even if they are stuttering). Allowing them time to finish what they're saying sends them a message that what they're saying (their message) matters to you more than how they're saying it and how long it takes (their delivery).

2. Show you're listening. Life is busy and you have things to do and places to go! Whenever possible, prioritize giving them your full attention when they're talking so they aren't competing with distractions. When it's not possible, you could say something like, "I really want to hear more about this! I need to finish____ right now, give me __ minutes, then I can listen better," or "I need to watch to make sure your brother isn't getting too close to the camp fire, so I am not going to be looking at you, but know I'm listening."

Ease Speaking Demands :) Two ways to reduce pressure to speak:

1. Model & teach instead of asking/testing/directing. Try to focus on commenting and teaching more than questioning. Instead of "What color is this?" try, "Ooh, that is purple, I like purple." Instead of, "Say ostrich," try, "That animal is called an ostrich." This tip doesn't suggest you can never ask them questions; it's just a reminder that kids learn through modeling and sometimes we unintentionally get in a habit of turning play and learning into quiz time.

2. Resist requesting performances. Instead of putting your child on the spot to sing, tell jokes, recite events, or otherwise verbally perform for grandparents or neighbors or others, assume they will do so if they want to. Examples of recruiting performance: "Tell them ...." "Sing your favorite song!" "Tell us that joke you told me!" (Your child might love to do these things, and that's great! This tip is suggesting to follow their lead about when they want to be the center of attention.)

Syllable Timed Speech (or "Robot Speech")

• Syllable Timed Speech is when- your- child- AND- YOU- give- each- syll-a-ble- a boun-da-ry- while- you- are- speak-ing to-geth-er. You- keep- your- speech- nat-u-ral in- speed- and- in-to-na-tion. Feels weird? You'll get better at it as you practice :)
  (Please see the video example below--although I call this Robot Speech for kids....because it is easier for kids to remember than "syllable timed speech," the goal is not for their speech to sound choppy in a robotic way while they do this exercise.)

• This is a speech exercise (the theory is it helps children build up their internal rhythm of speech).
  This NOT a way your child needs to be speaking all day.

• Using syllable timed speech for 5-10 minutes a day a few times a day for 9-12 months can SIGNIFICANTLY reduce stuttering in preschool children (over 90% reduction in stuttering).

  • • The goal is to reach 20-30 minutes of total practice on most days.
      I know! That is a commitment!

Tip 1: Interested in embarking on this syllable-timed speech journey? Touch base with a speech therapist to build your support system! (If they attend school, there can even be ways to integrate this into their school routine in natural ways.)

Tip 2: Make a practice plan! :) You and your child will be less frustrated if they know what to expect. If you can tie your plan to a routine you ALREADY do, your chance of success increases! Having a plan is powerful!

• • Ex: "We are going to practice robot speech while we drive to daycare, on the way home, and for 10 minutes before we go to bed."

  • Ex: "Our whole family is going to use syllable speech when we eat breakfast and after school snack, and you and I will practice for five minutes while we ____."

Tip 3: Take a deep breath and remember: plans are made to be broken 😜. Don't beat yourself up and don't give up if your plan isn't carried out perfectly. Instead, you can either re-commit to the plan for the next day/week, OR tweak your plan to make it more realistic.

Whether your child is struggling with stuttering, or (insert any other childhood struggle), you as a parent know that many factors and skills play a foundational role in your child's ability to handle difficulties that come their way. I'm talking about things like confidence in themselves and their support systems, emotional resilience skills, stress management, etc.

Backup, let's be clear on two things: (1) Stuttering is verbal diversity. While I am not saying stuttering is convenient (it isn't convenient to wear eyeglasses, or manage life with a broken arm or leg, or other scenarios we encounter in the human experience), we really don't want to send children the message that stuttering is bad or scary or dreadful. (2) Although there are risk factors that help us predict who might persist in stuttering throughout their life, it is only a prediction. Your child might "get over" this period of life where they stutter and go on to communicate with typical fluency. Or maybe, stuttering will be part of their story. Either way, wouldn't it be best to help your child know (from the outset) that they are loved and valued (and their message is heard) whether they stutter or not?

Okay, now that we have that established, let's talk skills to practice:

Name Emotions

Talk about feelings! Are you feeling calm, tired, stressed, content, excited, nervous, sad, or angry? Say so! Naming emotions helps your brain regulate your emotions; children need this modeled to learn the vocabulary, to feel comfortable doing the same, and to learn how to notice those feelings in themselves and others. (Plus, naming something takes some of the fear and unknown out of the experience!)

You can talk about emotions

• when you experience them yourself ("This fresh air and sunshine makes me feel so happy!" "Wow. I feel my whole body relaxing; I am so relieved that my favorite vase didn't break." "My eyes feel droopy. I think I'm tired.")

• when you notice them in your child ("You are frowning. I noticed they didn't have the book you wanted. Are you feeling disappointed?" "You are jumping up and down and have so much energy! You seem excited.")

• when you notice them in other people ("That driver looks worried. See how they're tapping their fingers on the steering wheel?" "Susy couldn't stop smiling when she did that cartwheel! She must feel proud, she's been practicing that for awhile!")

• when you see them in book and movie characters ("Mirabel seems annoyed! See how she's crinkling her nose?")

Being human means we are going to experience a spectrum of emotions; talking about them is good for you and your child :)

Cultivate a Growth Mindset

If you do an internet search for "growth mindset," you'll find lots of information! Fostering a growth mindset (instead of a "fixed mindset") in all areas of life will make for easier transfer to challenges encountered with stuttering! Some basic principles:

• Praise effort and use of tools (like asking for help, checking your work, trying a new way, etc.) more than outcomes. Life example: Instead of "Your team won!" try, "Your team worked together and never quit even when you were down by one point!"
  Stuttering-specific example: "Your speech got stuck for awhile there, that seemed hard; it was so cool how you didn't give up! I loved hearing your story about____.!"

• Challenges help us grow. Teach that we can choose to learn from mistakes and failures. (One way to teach this is to talk about your internal dialogue when you meet with setbacks big or small. Ex: "I lost track of time and I burned the rolls for the party, this is so frustrating! I need to run to the store to buy some rolls. Next time, I'm going to set a timer.")

• Teach that they can improve skills and achieve success through practice and effort. (Ex: "Man! This is really tricky for me. I'm going to look up some ways to make it easier, but I think it's going to take some practice to do this well." "Riding your bike is hard right now! We are going to keep practicing, and as you learn, it will get easier and you'll get better." "Remember, your can train your brain to do hard things!)

• The power of "yet!" When your child says they can't do something, remind them they can't do it yet; they are still learning. They can keep trying and/or ask for help!

• Teach children they can be in control of themselves. We can't control everything, so building a sense of control in areas we can control is helpful! One way to do this is to look for opportunities for your child to make choices. Another way is to promote their independent problem-solving skills (ex: "That is tricky. What do you think would fix this problem?" "Hmm. Tell me some ideas that we could try to solve this.")

Model how to Regulate Emotions

Even though high emotions (negative or positive) don't CAUSE stuttering, they can exacerbate stuttering. (Their system that is predisposed to stuttering can get overwhelmed.)

It is impossible and unnecessary and unhelpful to avoid all stress. (Stress can motivate us to make positive changes!) But living with high degrees of consistent stress is not healthy.

• When you notice your child is stressed (ex: limited attention, withdrawn, tense, impulsive movements or decisions, moodiness), you can identify stressors (ex: changes in routine, grief, upcoming unknown situations, public speaking, fatigue, cognitively-taxing tasks, busy environments, etc.). This helps their emotions seem more predictable and less out-of-control. Ex: "I'm feeling stressed about how messy the house is right now. I think I need to take a deep breath before we start cleaning."